Type and delete. I find I do a great deal of this lately. I start out writing an article or even an e-mail to family or friend and the next thing I know (after maybe two or three paragraphs) I’m hitting the delete! What’s up with that?
Sometimes it may be that I just needed to vent and not send. There wasn’t anyone here to talk to, so I basically said it to the airwaves. Or, I don’t send because at some point before that fateful moment of putting it out there, I’ve come to my senses and hit the almighty delete.
A couple of times, it’s been good to write and then put in a save file… I’ve come back and read it later and thought to myself, “Wow, that was really lethal! Good thing it’s still here with me and not out there!” And then, there are times when I’ve read what I said and thought, “Dang! That was good, really well said. But it isn’t enough.” And if I’m thinking that, I know it needs to stay in the save file rather than be out there.
The point is that some things are just for us, and some things are not ready to be said. And if there’s any doubt about what’s worth saying, that little guardian angel, that voice in one’s head, is telling to us, “Think it over first.” Do you know what I mean? The next question I have is do we (you and I) listen when you hear that voice?
In the last few days, I have written an innumerable amount of blogs and said to myself, “Hmmm…. this is crap. Who’d read this? I wouldn’t!” With most, I’ve hit delete and walked away from the computer to pace the room and drink water and stare out the window. Three pieces, I have saved and thought, “Why am I doing this?” But I did… And then I walked away.
The last time I hit the save file, I took off on a walk. Into the night I went…. alone, talking to myself. Asking if I even had anything left worth saying! I’m walking as fast as these two legs of mine will take me and I’m talking to myself… I’m saying anything and everything that I’m sure not one other individual wants to hear because I believe them to be too busy to listen (or read) right now. And then, at the height of my hysteria, I look up. It has always stopped me cold when I have done this. The stars, the universe! So Amazing! I see that vastness and realize the pettiness of my predicament. I laugh at myself in wonder that I could be so self-centered when so many have nothing! So many who can’t even find food much less read! So I delete. Big deal! So I save. No one cares, and rightly so!
Loving and the ability to simply “be” is rare. And truly, these are two things of which I wish to be a part. Tomorrow I will write and speak on whatever topic touches my soul. I will travel to the many places in my mind through my eyes and ears and touch and taste, and talk about it. If someone reads it and loves it, then good! Very good! And if it means nothing to the reader, then it means nothing. Let it go.
Good night. May you all live long, love well and know that if nothing else someone, here on this blog site, was thinking of you tonight!
Best… Carolyn Thomas Temple
Post Script: Most artistic persons do not live in the real world world when they create. They live separate from others… Somewhere in between their reality and their art. Writers, dancers, singers, composers, instrumentalists, actors, painters, graphic artists and cartoonists… The world of artists is separate from what is happening in the present day.
Each of us has so many responsibilities right now with this holiday season upon us. I myself cannot really afford to be the artist that I am. But I think I will continue to try to live both. To be without that moment of creativity would be like holding my breath. This artist dies inside without her craft.